What stories have you told yourself about yourself?
I used to tell myself that I was only GOOD if I was a “good girl” that “saved people from hell” and that my plot in life was to work harder than everyone else so that I could “be a witness” to others. I put some of that in quotes because that is part of my story… pieces of my story that shaped the narrative of what I thought my life should look like and essential who I was in the world. These thoughts were given to me by an outside source that kept me striving for more. Striving to be seen and heard in a community that valued my voice but only if it was attached to a mans. I grew up in somewhat legalistic Christian church that held the view that women were not to speak in church and if a woman had something to say she must have a man next to her to say it. My authentic self knew this wasn’t right. I knew this because NO ONE around me held this view and at 14 years old I was debating around the dinner table with my entire family about women’s right to have a voice in the Christian church.
I’m still debating this today and sharing my voice more and more about the feminine representation of God in church. I never felt represented and therefore learned to demonize and divorce my femininity.
Have you ever had nudges like that where everything in your world says one thing but your gut says no!?
Ch. 6 Journal Questions:
- What is one or two stories that you heard as a child that shaped the way you think of yourself today?
- How have those stories shaped your core beliefs?
- When does your brain veer mostly to the negative?
- If you could externalized your RAS (reticular activating system: the bundle of nerves on the brain stem that helps us sort out our environment), how would this gatekeeper of thoughts look? Literally imagine what your RAS would look like if it were a person or thing and name it. Let’s get creative so we can change it and make it look like someone we would actually be friends with now.
- Have you ever idealized your childhood and minimized any painful memories because “other people had it worse”?
- What was your home/family life like when you were an infant? Interview anyone you can to get a clear image of what things were like when your programing first began.
- Did any of your caregivers trigger your “survival brain”?
- When you get quiet and let go of any preconceived thoughts of yourself what does your spirit tell you?
- How has “toxic hypermasculinity” (the idea that one must toughen up, detach, ignore their authentic self or present a false self) touched your life?
- Core Beliefs are powerful but they can be changed! How are you going to be dedicated to changing your core beliefs that no longer serve you?
Ch. 7 Journal Questions
- What was your initial reaction to Anthony’s story?
- What attachment style resonated with you the most: Secure, Anxious-Resistant, Avoidant, Disorganized-Disoriented?
- What wounds from childhood point to this attachment style?
- What beliefs do you practice and do they work for you?
- Name an inner child wound of yours?
- How have your inner child wounds been triggered in relationships?
- What is your inner child archetype: The Caretaker, The Overachiever, The Underachiever, The Rescuer/Protector, The Life of the Party, The Yes-Person, The Hero Worshiper?
- Did you have any childhood fantasies that you can still remember?
- What does your inner child look and sound like today? To meditate on this listen to the Inner Child Guided Meditation on yourholisticpsychologist.com.
Also important UPDATE on our book club meeting. I haven’t finished the book yet so I’m moving the zoom meeting to next Thursday May 6th at 5:00pm PST. Click here is the link to join that call.
With hope & healing,