I’m thinking we can speak for the married with children masses when we say keeping the FLAME alive in your relationship is HARD! And that’s not just what she said ha ha… I had to (insert laugh crying emoji face here).
Sam and I have started to open up more about our relationship on The Sure Babe Podcast. In episode 23 we talk about how we failed at marriage in our early years of being married and what helped us connect and become a team. Now in episode 24 Sam and I talk all about intimacy in a long term relationship and we don’t hold back on talking about what it’s really like to keep your flame alive after you have children.
Our love life has gone through ups and downs, dry spells and good seasons but through it all we discovered that intimacy goes way beyond the bedroom.
Here are some tips for keeping your love flame alive:
- Talk about how you feel when you both aren’t emotionally heightened.
- Become a really good listener…don’t always be the one to have a solution. Listen and reflect back what you heard your partner say; this validates their emotions and helps the other person feel heard which leads to an intimate connection.
- Ask for what you need physically and emotionally. If your partner is a safe place for you you should be able to open up and disclose your deepest desires without judgement.
- Don’t judge each other for your differences. Each person is different and comes from a different upbringing so differences in your relationship are inevitable and good! It would be boring if we were all the same.
- Schedule sex and or intimate time together…. as parents you kind of have to. Also don’t overlook being spontaneous…. if the kids are distracted in another room it could very well be a time you should take advantage of to reconnect… if you know what I mean ;0
- If you’re in a dry spell think about what attracted you to this person in the first place and remember how you fell in love….talk about your love story together and the things you used to do. Even if you don’t have time to do these things at the moment just recalling them is fun and helps you reconnect.
- Toys….I don’t need to say more but seriously toys.
- When your partner gives you a compliment take it! Don’t deny or poo poo it, accept it with gratitude and try to see yourself as your partner does when they give you a positive compliment.
- Schedule a date night once a month; we found once a week wasn’t realistic for us but once a month is and we make the most out of it…no talking about bills or kids on the date! Also if you have an infant you can’t leave but you both want to have a good time and have a drink, UBER! That’s what we did on our last date and it was so much fun!
- Discover each other’s love languages and learn how to speak them to each other. If you don’t know about love languages read this book: The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
- If you’re tired and your partner is in the mood consider if you can dig deeper and rally and if you just can’t be open about that and go to sleep to touching in some way.
- Lastly schedule a sexy marital shoot like this one we did with Rise Photo Co. It will remind you of how far you’ve come together and how much you still love each other, even if you have more wrinkles and skin.
Tune into episode 24 “How To Keep The Flame Alive In Your Marriage” to hear all our thoughts on this topic and also for our answers to your questions at the end.
You can listen in by clicking here.
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We don’t have all the answers and Lord knows we’re still a work in progress but we hope this encourages you and helps you in your relationship!
