“I tried to like this podcast but the host is annoying to listen to and her narcissism is apparent, she thinks the world revolves around her.” -Kelly City
This was the worst review I’ve ever received on my podcast Sure, Babe and when I read it a year ago it took the air out of my lungs and I sincerely considered closing up shop. I was so confused… how did someone misunderstand me and my intentions so much? How could someone think the such horrible things about me? I mean I know I can be selfish sometimes but a narcissist?t That’s clinical ha ha.
I ruminated on this review for weeks, doubted myself and contemplated what the heck I was doing hosting my own podcast. I concluded that I indeed had valuable content to share with the world and I was not going to let one or two critics silence my voice and passion. Instead of internalizing this negativity and letting it drain me further I thanked this “Kelly City” for what was a valuable test in how to overcome my fears. I realized that anytime I let someone else’s opinion of me and my work affect me I am giving them my power and energy and believing a lie. Patron Saint (JK) Brené Brown says the quote changed her life:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt, the Man in the Arena. Delivered at the Sorbonne (Paris) on April 23rd, 1910.
The unfortunate part of following your passions is that we live in a world where people think they can sum up your entire being in one post, podcast, product launch and so on. That’s impossible! No one could know your entirety in one post let alone a life time of knowing you. We are energetic beings that are constantly growing and changing and at your core you are good and I believe you are in your highest self when you’re following your passions.
So how did I get over one of my greatest fears of rejection and other’s not approving of me? I accepted how awful it felt, dove into that feeling and realized this critic pointed to a shadow in me. What’s a shadow?
Carl Jung coined this term “shadow” as a way to explain the unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself. In short, the shadow is the unknown side or a side that believes the lie. A tiny part of me believed this critic because of my fear of not being good enough or received by all. NEWS FLASH CHRISSY!!!! You can’t be received by all, that would actually be overwhelming. Also CHEAP SEATS… there are critics and people that sit in the cheap seats at the arena and they will throw their junk at you… that’s just part of life. The key is to not pick up their junk and look at it. You must step over the junk that is thrown at you so you can continue to pursue your passions. I look back at that nasty review and it no longer stings me. I know the truth and I know myself and a judgment or negative opinion from someone on the outside does not take me out.
So let’s look at why it’s so easy to let fear trip us up.
Our Brains are Hardwired for it…
Our brains are hardwired to keep us safe and manage risk for us. For example the fight, flight or freeze response. This response saves us in emergencies like running from a Sabor Tooth Tiger or keeping our children from running into the street. But it’s safe to say that this FFF response is overdeveloped today. Often our brains respond to bills or criticism with our adrenal glands opening and our FFF response triggered.
What Can YOU Do?
Acknowledge your fears and your story!
“No one is served by you living small. Fears never go away you must create what you need to create even in the fear.”
What story are you telling yourself? Where did it come from?
Write down all that comes up for you.
Ask yourself this question. How does living with fear keeps you small?
Get friendly with you fears and list them:
Fear of others
Fear of rejection
Fear of failure
Fear of success
And then do some exposure therapy! Exposure therapy is just doing the thing that scares you and learning through experience that you don’t need to fear it or that you can do things scared…that’s just called courage.
Imagine what could be if say YES to this, yes to the thing that you’ve been wanting to do? Imagine what you’re saying NO to if you don’t do this thing because you’re afraid. Write down who would be positively effected by doing this thing?Write down all the ways you would positively positively effect the world and yourself by doing what you’re passionate about.
For example check out “Third Love Bras“! They launched in 2013 and started a bra revolution. Heidi Zak decided she had way to many bras (12 to be exact) and zero that actually fit her. She was fed up with the bra industry so she decided to make her own bra. What resulted was a company that makes it super easy to buy a bra that fits all female forms. I can attest to this having just purchased a bra from Third Love. I did so mostly out of curiosity to see what all the hype was about and my deflated nursing boobs thanked me for it…. it fits like a glove and a trip to the mall wasn’t needed.
So write down all the people you would positively affect if you overcome your fear and do the thing you’re thinking about doing.
Community is such an important part is finding like minded people who will allow you to share your ideas and dreams without judgment. Communities like Facebook groups (I have one you can join called Grow With Gratitude), masterminds, colleagues, courses, webinars… those are just a few places you can find community. The most important part of community though is that it feels like a safe place were you can be authentic; it must be a place you can put your heart on the table and be YOU.
I hope all these tips will help you overcome your fears cause I’m excited to see what you do when you blow past fear. The world needs you to step into your calling even if it’s scary.
Check out Episode 45 on the Sure, Babe podcast to listen to an interview I did with jewelry designer Natalie Borton on how she overcame her fears to build a thriving business from home.
Don’t forget to download your FREE editorial calendar to start taking the stress out of knowing what and when to post to your social media accounts for an entire month. PS check your spam folder if you don’t see the email right away. 😉
With Grace & Gratitude,