I very good at loving my children and simi good at loving my husband (he tends the get the leftovers since we’re still in babydom) sorry Babe I’m working on this…but I’m not so good at loving myself. I go through ups and downs like you probably do and lately I’ve been in a valley of self-loathing. I hope this doesn’t seem like a pity party to you because I desire this post to be the opposite. I want you whoever you are, wherever you are to feel loved; to be able to turn darkness into light and find love inside of you and for you.
My self-loathing comes from a long history of self inflicted perfectionism, comparison and nasty talk that I let play inside my head. I know where it comes from: old memories, little traumas, big traumas and fears I’ve let run wild. It’s familiar like a old tape that gets rewound each time it clicks off and some how gets picked up and put back in. I want that tape out and if you ever struggle with the same thing I’m sure you do too! So here’s what I’m going to do and what you can do about your funk.
First things first YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Secondly, realize the words you say to yourself are embedded on a negative tape that is only out to destroy the truth. The tape is not truth. The truth is light….ask yourself where the light is in your life and focus on that. For me it’s Jesus…I know who I am in Him. I’m accepted, I’m loved, I’m worthy and I’m filled with purpose even if I do nothing at all. Whoa resting in that is PEACE for me.
Friends let that light wash over you like a river. Seriously, think of when you were a child and how you did things like jump in the water when it was cold and let it run over your makeup-free face. That’s how we can live today if we let light clear out the darkness by calling darkness what it is and allowing light to come in.
Back to that question: “What does love look like in me? It could be asked another way, “How do I show myself love?” I think it looks like care and attention… like the kind I give my children. If someone said something mean to my child I would sit with them, hold them and validate how awful it feels to be told such things and then of course I would speak truth to them about who they are. For the self it should look like the same; time spent processing negative thoughts, validating where they come from and soothing that pain by letting light or God come in and shine truth, forgiveness, comfort, love and redemption on it.
Journaling and meditation have helped me change my moods and get me out of funks more than any other exercise or therapy tool. I listened to this mediation today by Christa Black Gifford and found so much good in it. I hope you take a listen and find healing too.