Whoa that’s a hefty title…not sure I can do it justice but it seems fitting for all that I want to convey. I do a lot of processing in the car these days. I listen to podcasts and process how bits of info apply to my life. Today while en route home I was listening to Rob Bell’s podcast; an episode called “The Sheriff“. I laughed, I cried and I felt inspired to continue toward my goals. It’s one of those “locker room talks” that makes you feel heard, validated and ready to hit the field again. I seriously felt like he was in my passenger seat talking right to me. I want to be totally honest with you. I’ve felt like a huge failure lately and it’s not because I’m not busy, I am. I’ve been feeling somewhat lost in my own ambitions; wanting to do it all and still remain a stellar wife, mom and friend. And for some reason this last month it feels like it’s not gelling together like I thought it would. Life’s messy; my own has resembled my kitchen which as of late is infested with ants that I just can’t seem to get a leg up on. What was said in this podcast that hit home for me was this:
- Love is a risk-love respects the right of the other person to not reciprocate. Hearing this I thought of relationships in my life….ones that breathe life into me and ones that have left me feeling less than. I thought of times when I showed love and in return I was rejected, used, or that love was unrequited. I mean we’re talking about human core fears here. To love and be rejected by anyone be it romantic love or sisterly/brotherly love…it’s sad and scary when it’s not returned to you. It breaks your heart. Here’s the good new! If this has happened to you as it has to me, it means your living and loving well. It means your not afraid of fear. It means you’re alive and that you have survived and you will continue to thrive. The thing is…you must not close up and walk away from discomfort and heartbreak…push into it. The heart heals when you dig through the broken pieces and process shame. It does not take away pain but it gives pain a purpose and that makes you stronger.
- My other takeaway is about failure and how it’s inevitable. You cannot hide from failure when you want to find your joy. I’ve been branching out more and saying yes to more photography jobs and blogging collaborations because it brings me joy. I am fulfilled and satisfied combining these roles while I mother small children. I’ve listened to that inkling and ran with it, so much so that at times I feel lost in my thoughts and guilty at the end of the day that I wasn’t “present” enough. For me having a healthy relationship with failure is learning why I feel ashamed and how to rework my life to give more to the things and people that matter. I and (you) can stop beating ourselves up by learning from the fall; taking the things with us that work while leaving the things that don’t.
- Lastly, this is where joy is found. When you’re no longer afraid of getting hurt or failing…joy is able to grow because your energy is not spent focused on fear. Joy means you’re on the path of learning which is leading you to even greater opportunities, higher ground, and congruence with the real you.
That my friends is exciting stuff.
I hope you find more joy today!